


autumn comes when you're not yet done

by wastelandruin



Category: Magi: The Labyrinth of Magic
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Canonical Character Death, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-20
Updated: 2018-11-30
Packaged: 2019-08-26 07:39:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,295
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16677382
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wastelandruin/pseuds/wastelandruin
Summary: It's the late 1990s when Gyokuen Ren passes away, leaving her only blood daughter as the executor of her will. Kouen Ren has inherited Gyokuen's first husband's independent testing laboratory, Hakuei Ren has been given her mother's vast wardrobe and a third of her wealth, and each of her step children have received some fraction of her wealth and heirlooms.None of that means anything to Hakuryuu. All his late mother has left for him is a single item on a list, but one that carries a lot of weight: the original Ren family estate, located in the small fishing village Hakuryuu grew up in, and all the baggage that comes with it.





	1. i tell myself i'll clean tomorrow

**Author's Note:**

> _i don't need the world to see, that i've been the best i can be, but / see my hands, pretty boy, what do they tell you? 'cause i've looked down at them, not knowing why._
> 
> (If this goes well, it should end at about 8-9 chapters. Thank you for your patience.)

March 24, 199X

 

At the funeral for his mother, Hakuryuu was not, in fact, asked to make any sort of speech. It was an act of mercy from Hakuei, sparring him the embarrassment of the inevitable mental breakdown he would have up there, in public. Or maybe she was just saving herself the embarrassment. Hakuryuu didn't really know, or care.

 

He doesn't remember what the weather was like that day, but he does remember stepping in a puddle that soaked through his thin opera pump shoe down to his socks right before he showed up, leaving him with musty, disgusting feeling the entire time. It felt like some kind of metaphor for how the event itself made him feel.

 

Yet surely, Hakuryuu should feel nothing less than elated that the old witch had finally croaked.

 

But he couldn’t feel anything. In a more righteous world, her death would’ve came from nothing less than a grand fight that ended in explosions and fireworks.

 

This… was too anti-climatic. Stifling. It felt like having to fill out 30 pages of dull, overly complicated paperwork. No matter what filling it out would give you, even if it meant your freedom, it just felt like a chore. Hakuryuu didn’t even bother getting a properly fitted suit for the occasion. He wore the same ugly tie he wore to his high school graduation.

 

Hakuryuu had tried to pay attention to the pieces everyone had to say, tried not to twitch in his seat as they spoke of their farewells, tried to ignore the sound of his pulse in his ear and the damp, cold feeling that crawled up his legs.

 

He almost wished Hakuei had asked him to give a speech, so he didn't have to sit here while everyone's words went in one ear and out the other. It might've been cathartic to get up there and tell everyone the truth, to scream and shout at everyone for their lies of 'she'll be missed' and 'poor kids, left behind’, or whatever the hell they were saying. Even if it would only provide the other old assholes who attended something to gossip about at the bar. Even if it meant his step siblings would look down on him even more as they’d try to get him to shut up. The feeling of release that only true screaming could bring, to be dragged kicking and screaming from the centre stage.

 

But he realized, as they dragged her open casket so it could be transported to their next location, how glad he was that he could pretend he wasn't even there.

 

Gyokuen Ren appeared in death the same way she appeared in life: like an empty doll, only existing to suggest the appearance of a family head, like a picture of a person who may have existed once. There was something unsettling about the way she looked like she knew all eyes were on her, even deceased. Hakuryuu knew that she had been embalmed, and thus couldn’t possibly still be alive, but he still held his breath. Like if he gave away the fact that he was there, she’d sit up just to stare at him, and give him _that_ smile. It was unnatural. He knew from experience that corpses never looked like the person that once lived. Gyokuen was something he could never understand.

 

"Hakuryuu," He remembers Hakuei saying to him, less than a week before, "You were named to receive the estate in her will. She didn't leave you any money. I'm required to tell you as the executor, but I also wanted to know if you're okay with that."

 

"...Yeah," He remembers saying, "It's fine. I don't care what I get. Think our step siblings will try to fight me for it?"

 

Hakuei sighed. They both knew the answer to that one. No one wanted to be tied down there; that's why they all left, eventually, one after another. Getting married, moving for their careers, navigating life like an adult who didn’t need to recover from their childhood. He figured this was his mother's last ditch effort to chain him down to this place for good. Her cute little Hakuryuu, forever.

 

Like a curse, trying to drag him down from beyond the grave.

 

Hakuryuu desperately wished he had gotten his phone number changed like he planned to, so no one could have called to inform him about his mother's death and funeral – so he could've kept living unaware, unfindable in a huge city where his odd appearance and family name meant nothing to the strangers around him.

 

He had been wrong earlier, he thought. The discomfort of his ill fitting suit and wet shoes was nothing. There was no physical feeling comparable to the dread Hakuryuu felt in that moment, watching her casket pass him.

 

“Ryuu?” Hakuei whispered to him as he got up to leave out the side exit. Hakuryuu was thankful she didn’t make any movement to go after him.

 

He did not attend the burial.

 

He knew Hakuei would be upset with him for that later, but he could live with that. She could just add it to the laundry list of reasons why he was ruining this family.

 

* * *

 

In the parking lot of the funeral home, Hakuryuu was having a panic attack.

 

Or maybe not a real panic attack, Hakuryuu thought to himself, because he could still process that he was panicking. That’s what that would mean, right? He didn’t really know how these worked, to be honest. He never bothered to do the research.

 

His eye on his scarred side burned. Or, more accurately, it felt like someone had pulled it out of his head and stabbed the flesh connecting it his head.

 

It hurt, god, why did it hurt? He hated this. Hakuryuu was always burning, no matter how long it had been. He could feel a headache developing fast, making his eyes water and his face feel stuffed up. Unable to think or handle the pain in any way, he felt himself walking around the building until he was out of sight and sitting against the wall in the back. If he listened closely, he could hear voices of the funeral-goers as they talked and packed into their vehicles to move locations. The aching feeling intensified. He started slamming his head into the brick wall behind him, trying to distract from the pain with a lesser pain.

 

He wanted to move. His brain felt like it was confined, and bursting out of his skull, with no relief. He tried taking off his jacket, then his tie. He kicked off his shoes and peeled off his socks. Maybe it wasn’t ideal to do this on the wet grassy ground, but Hakuryuu couldn’t help himself. He cursed. He didn’t understand where this pain came from ( _how could a panic attack trigger this_ —) and he didn’t really care. He just wanted to get it over with.

 

Then he heard footsteps walking towards him.

 

“Hakuryuu?”

 

Oh god.

 

“Please leave me alone.”

 

“Should I ask what happened to you?” The voice spoke again, sounding like they just realized what state Hakuryuu was in.

 

“No,” Hakuryuu told him.

 

“Alright. I think I can guess, anyway,” Judar sat down beside Hakuryuu, leaning against the wall and kicking Hakuryuu’s shoes out of his way. “Just had to leave, huh?”

 

The sound of people talking would usually intensify the pain, but Hakuryuu found himself able to ignore it at last.

 

“Yeah. I couldn’t stand it in there.” Hakuryuu wasn’t asked to elaborate. Judar understood.

 

“Me either. Did you hear all that shit people were saying about her? How she put sooo much effort into making sure her family’s work paid off? What a joke. She was a crazy old cokehead who wanted people to turn a blind eye to the shit she was doing, and they did. Good fucking riddance.”

 

“I wasn’t paying attention,” Hakuryuu admitted, “Were they really praising her that much?”

 

Now it was Judar’s turn to scoff. “Like you wouldn’t believe.”

 

Hakuryuu went silent. Judar waited for him to speak again. When Hakuryuu could feel the pain passing, he spoke.

 

“I’m not going to the burial.” Hakuryuu told Judar.

 

“Yeah,” Judar said, “I was told I had to go since I’m the junior priest and she gave so much money to the temple or whatever.”

 

“I figured,” Hakuryuu sighed. He could still hear the blood rush through his ears.

 

“You know what we should do instead, though?”

 

Hakuryuu turned to Judar, looking perplexed.

 

“You remember the waterfall behind that shitty old bridge in Go, right?” Judar asked him. Hakuryuu suddenly understood. His eyes widened.

 

“I’m not walking all the way to Go for your whims. I’m exhausted.”

 

“Who said anything about walking?” Judar laughed. He grabbed Hakuryuu’s hand and pulled him up, leading him down to the parking lot, where only his own and one other vehicle was left after everyone had driven to the graveyard.

 

“Oh my god,” Hakuryuu stared at the vehicle in front of him.

 

“It’s got a passenger seat, before you get worried!” Judar told him, patting the backseat of the dual-sport motorcycle he had apparently driven to a _funeral_. He hadn’t seen it there when he first arrived, but somehow he didn’t doubt Judar arrived after him.

 

“Where did you get this.”

 

“Does that really matter, Hakuryuu?”

 

“Fine. You at least have a license to ride this thing, right?” Hakuryuu asked, but the second he saw Judar open his mouth again, he spoke over him, “No, don’t tell me, actually. Just don’t get us killed.”

 

“Of course,” Judar beamed.

 

* * *

 

March 25, 199X.

 

In the early hours of the morning, Judar sighed against the rock he was lying on. Hakuryuu sat beside him.

 

“I missed this,” Judar said.

 

“I thought you hated being outside,” Hakuryuu commented dryly. He stared out at the waterfall around them. It was amazing, to be in the middle of it, even if it meant getting misted by the falls. The sky was clear, and they could see scatterings of houses in the distance from their vantage point on the large stone. The log they had always used to cross to the rock that lay uncovered in the middle of the rushing waters had still been there.

 

“Well, if any bugs get on me, I’m going to kill myself,” Judar replied easily, “But I missed _this_. Being here with you.”

 

Hakuryuu paused.

 

“…I mean, you could’ve called me or something, after I left.” Judar stopped to look over at Hakuryuu, who was looking away from him.

 

“No, I couldn’t have,” Judar was smiling, shutting his eyes, like Hakuryuu had said something silly. “Would you have answered? Would you have come back to me if I asked?” Hakuryuu stared down at him.

 

“Maybe not here,” Hakuryuu answered honestly, looking at the night sky, “But maybe somewhere else.”

 

Judar hummed.

 

“Stupid answer,” Judar told him.

 

“You’re stupid,” Hakuryuu mumbled, face heating up. “You grew out your hair again.”

 

“You noticed,” Judar opened his eyes.

 

“Duh. It was like… ear length last time I saw you.”

 

“Ugh. Don’t remind me. Stupid job requirements and dress codes and shit,” Judar’s face twisted into a sour expression. Hakuryuu scoffed at him.

 

“Is that why you’re back at the temple, then?”

 

“…Shuddup.” Hakuryuu laughed at Judar’s reply.

 

“It looks good now. The short hair wasn’t bad either, though.”

 

Judar humphed, and turned to face away from Hakuryuu.

 

Hakuryuu stared at him, his chest feeling warmer than ever. Thinking back, he remembered a conversation they had had as teenagers here, once. It played back in his mind as they lay under the cool night sky.

 

“You take everything too seriously.” At the time, Hakuryuu wasn’t quite sure whether Judar was making fun of him or not. But he was tired, and vulnerable, and he couldn’t bring himself to care. He just hadn’t wanted to go home, and Judar brought him here, telling him the water should help clear his head (Hakuryuu hadn’t realized at the time that Judar had meant by _shoving him into the river_ ).

 

“You’re right, but I can’t help it.” Hakuryuu stared up at Judar from where he now sat on the riverbed. Wet hair covered his eyes, so he shook his head until it was out of his face.

 

“Oh?” Judar prompted, surprised by Hakuryuu’s agreement. Hakuryuu wondered how he should continue, to explain his own weakness. He lied back on the riverbed, resting his head on a rock before he responded.

 

“I feel like my entire body has been rubbed until it’s raw and bleeding. I’m hypersensitive to… everything, I guess.”

 

“Doesn’t that get exhausting?”

 

“It does. I don’t mind, it’s better than nothing. And it’s familiar. It could be worse.”

 

“You make it sound a lot less shitty than it is.”

 

“I’ve just thought about it a lot.”

 

“You overthink, too,” Judar smiled, not scolding him for it. “It’s kinda cute.”

 

Hakuryuu looked back at the two of them in current time, and felt something ease it’s way into his heart.

 

“I missed you, too.” He said, under his breath. “I have to leave again in the morning.”

 

Judar had obviously heard him. They laid side by side in silence for the next few hours.

 

* * *

 

May 17, 199X.

 

"Hakuryuu," Kouen addressed him in his usual monotone, failing as always to make it sound like a greeting, "Thank you for coming in on such a short notice. I know you're busy."

 

Hakuryuu stood in front of Kouen, who was seated, and stared down at him. Kouen sounded neither grateful or considerate of the 11 hour mix of train and bus rides it took to get there.

 

As usual, his voice grated on Hakuryuu's ears.

 

"You said you needed to talk to me in person. Is this really so important that you can't just ask me over the phone?" Hakuryuu hadn't meant to sound accusatory, but he had a hard time controlling his tone with Kouen.

 

"It's not a big deal," Kouen started with, "But we need to discuss your future involvement with my laboratory, given that you’re graduating this year.”

 

The use of _my_ didn't go unnoticed. Hakuryuu would scoff at him, but he knew he had to keep his face in a trained neutral expression if he didn't want to have his behavior be the main topic at the next family dinner he isn't attending.

 

"You don't need to worry about it."

 

"I'm not worried," Kouen said. _That's why I called you here_ , Hakuryuu imagined. “But I was wondering what you’re planning to do. I would never turn away a brother of Hakuyuu’s, but I’ve been told you’ve been planning to take over as the head researcher. Which is admirable, but we only need —”

 

“I said,” Hakuryuu repeated, speaking over Kouen, “You don’t need to worry about it.”

 

Kouen’s expression twisted into one resembling confusion, or would be, if he were capable of any expression that wasn’t ‘old man who is always vaguely annoyed with the youths’.

 

“Did you not go to school to become a biological technician?”

 

“No,” Hakuryuu said. Well, technically _yes_ , he did, but plans changed. Kouen doesn’t need to know that. “I’m going to become an ecotoxicologist.”

 

“Oh,” Kouen said simply, “But if that’s the case, then what are you planning to do?”

 

“None of your business.”

 

“Hakuryuu —“

 

“No, I mean it, Kouen. I’m not going to interfere with _your_ laboratory anymore, so the least you could do is stay out of my life as well.”

 

Kouen sighed. “Fine. This was supposed to involve more paperwork, but if that’s your final say, I’ll respect that.”

 

“Good,” Hakuryuu said, feeling uncomfortable. He hated these conversations. He hated telling people anything he was planning on doing. “If that’s all you called me here for, then I’m leaving.”

 

“Hold on,” Kouen grabbed Hakuryuu’s wrist as he turned to leave. “Hakuei wanted you to go out to dinner with her while you’re here. She said none of the extended family will be there, so you don’t have to worry. It’ll just be you two.”

 

“I could’ve been informed by Hakuei, then.” Hakuryuu ripped his arm from Kouen’s grasp, and Kouen sat back in his chair, somehow not off put by Hakuryuu’s behavior. Hakuryuu knew he was only being tolerated. Kouen’s eyes were amused, and incredulous.

 

“No, you couldn’t. Her landline is being changed, she doesn’t have a phone right now. And you might not go if she asked herself,” Kouen said, quite right. Hakuryuu’s memory twinged.

 

“…Shut up,” Hakuryuu muttered. Kouen pretended not to hear. “Where did she say to meet her?”

 

Kouen searched his pocket, pulling out a small piece of notepad paper and holding it out to Hakuryuu.

 

“She wrote it down for me,” Hakuryuu said. It was not a question.

 

“She thought I might not remember if she just told me to pass on the message,” Kouen explained.

 

“Right,” Hakuryuu didn’t believe that. Written under the name of the restaurant (one Hakuryuu had never heard of) and time (8pm) was a little message; ‘Hope you’re doing okay. Seisyun says hi. -Ei’.

 

“Are you going?”

 

Hakuryuu tried to push down his annoyance. No matter how much he tried to move past it, Kouen just had a personality that Hakuryuu couldn’t get along with, no matter what it was he was saying. Hakuryuu didn’t know when his patience and energy had worn down so thin.

 

Surely, at one point, he could handle more than the most bare provocation before feeling like he was going to explode.

 

“Can you give me directions to this restaurant. I’m not familiar with all these places in Rakushou yet.”

 

Kouen seemed satisfied with that.

 

* * *

 

Hakuei stopped abruptly in the middle of explaining how family affairs had been going to ask, “Hakuryuu, do you not like your food?”

 

He hadn’t actually been paying attention to her or his food, and while trying not to jolt at being addressed, Hakuryuu realized he hadn’t been eating for at least 10 minutes.

 

Pointedly putting his fork down in response, Hakuryuu sighed. He really couldn’t stand the concerned tone of Hakuei’s voice, even when he understood it. He didn’t need to be coddled or looked down on anymore, and he was embittered over how often people still insisted on treating him that way anyway.

 

But he pushed down his resentment nonetheless, and responded evenly.

 

“No, Ei… I’ve just had a long day. Thank you for taking me here. I’ll keep it in mind next time I visit,” Hakuryuu gave his best smile, which he knew was the small one where he looked embarrassed over someone’s concern. In truth, his meal was bland and hard to swallow. The meat was dry and the rice undercooked, but he wasn’t going to complain to Hakuei.

 

“I understand,” Hakuei said, relieved, “Everyday feels like it lasts an eternity now that mom’s gone. Do you think she felt like this, too?” Hakuryuu took another sip of his water.

 

_No, because she never gave a shit about being responsible for her family, unlike you_.

 

He responded with a shrug, letting silence fall around them.

 

* * *

 

April 2, 199X.

 

A year after his mother's death, 7 months since the house had officially transferred ownership to him, and a week after his apartment's lease was up, Hakuryuu had finally moved back to his childhood home in the small fishing town of Rakuchaku that he had grew up in with a single goal: to get rid of this place.

 

But as it was, it turned out that if you wanted to sell an old, deteriorating house, you had to make it sellable first.

 

The kitchen, master bedroom, and it’s bathroom seemed to be the only parts of the house not in dire need of repairs or an overhaul. Though Hakuryuu knew he’d still need to clean them out.

 

Two of the old bedrooms had the wall between them taken out and left a large area of exposed wood where it used to be. The intent was to make it a second living area, Hakuryuu recalled, but it hadn’t been finished. He’d have to think of what he wanted to do with that. Keep it, or reinstall a wall so it’d be a five bedroom house again? Maybe he’ll ask Hakuei for a second opinion.

 

The main bathroom was old, with a tub (that looked disgusting, shit, was that mold?) and a stand up shower in it. Hakuryuu knew the sink faucet in there was still broken before he even checked. Their mother never bothered getting it fixed. Gyokuen had her own perfectly working bathroom to use, and if something didn’t effect her personally, she didn’t really care to deal with it. He hadn’t thought much about washing his hands under the tub’s faucet instead, as a teenager. That was just the way things were. It was too late to resent it now.

 

And looking at it all in the present, Hakuryuu could tell one thing. It was going to be a lot more work than he originally thought it would be. The more he walked around the house, the more he realized the expensively decorated home of his youth was concealing the grotesque and barely standing health hazard it really was. He used to think that was normal. It was a good representation of the people who lived here, Hakuryuu supposed. And now it was his job to gut the entire thing and fix it from the ground up.

 

He knew vaguely that he was probably gonna have to start by hiring a professional to inspect the place, so he could know exactly what needed to be repaired that he couldn’t already see for himself.

 

Getting lost in the mental to-do list he was making, Hakuryuu felt more and more comfortable with the idea of tearing the place apart.

 

He could live with this, Hakuryuu thought. When he had told Hakuei about his plans for the place, she had been happy with the idea, and came up with a budget that used most of her inherited wealth (ours, Hakuei insisted, even though they both knew their mother hadn’t left him with any for a reason) for him to put towards repairs and renovations. He wanted to refuse, but he knew he’d be useless trying to finance it all himself.

 

Hakuryuu rationalized that he wanted to get rid of Gyokuen’s wealth anyway, and accepting help from Hakuei was preferable to asking someone else.

 

Hakuei had said she didn’t want him to deal with the burden of the place using his own savings, but it seemed like she was more motivated by the thought that this ‘project’ of his would be good for his health, and was eager to incentivize him into going through with it.

 

She had probably first assumed when she read the will that he’d have the place torn down and sell the land.

 

Or worse, that Hakuryuu plain wouldn't accept it with all the costs he'd have to pay for or ask his step siblings to take care of (two things she knew he hated doing) and instead getting an attorney so he could reject the inheritance.

 

Hakuryuu could admit that he had thought of doing both of those at first, and yet… the house was still his childhood home. Despite how eager he had been to escape, there was a time where this place meant everything to him.

 

Might as well try to scrub away the filth that had collected here over the years, right?

 

Hakuryuu would still have to get a part time job so he could pay for his own things and keep the electricity on, but that shouldn’t be too hard.

 

After all, there was a local marina he had worked cleaning boats at during his final year of high school. They had fairly high regard for him, and probably wouldn’t mind too much if he asked to be rehired there, even 5 years later. It may be lucky for him that things in this town moved so slowly. He had no doubt the people running it and most of the employees hadn’t changed much since then.

 

It was far different compared to the city — where, despite the variety of opportunity and niches that needed to be filled, such jobs were often closed off to Hakuryuu. Being an over-qualified disabled man with a rough looking face tended to not work in his favor, even if his potential bosses had always spoken like they didn’t even notice it.

 

He knew the reason why. Even if Hakuryuu was hyper-capable at the job they were offering, everyone shied away from the potential for him to look like a pity hire that made people think the company accepted subpar work if it made them look charitable. Even when he did managed to find a job in the city, his own merits hardly mattered. Nothing about Hakuryuu actually mattered, except the state of his body.

 

And what assumptions people would make because of it.

 

Though it wasn’t like Rakuchaku was much different. It was just that here, he was Hakuryuu of the Ren family first, instead of ‘some scarred amputee guy’. And either one provided him with far more disadvantages for him than advantages.

 

Hakuryuu decided it could wait a week or so before he went and checked out the marina again.

 

While there was no way he was gonna afford to be eating anything decent for the next little while, he _could_ afford to readjust himself to living here again before jumping back into the midst of things, right? A lot of people Hakuryuu knew and was sort of friends with would have suggested that he’d get used to this place faster if he just jumped right back into working, but he hated doing impulsive, fast-paced things like that.

 

Hakuryuu was the type of person who waited carefully, laying out meticulous future plans that he constantly rewrote and second guessed himself on.

 

But he knew he couldn’t think very fast and often made poor decisions when he tried to do things on impulse alone. His best selling point, Hakuryuu thought, is that when he was absolutely sure of something, he would do everything in his power to grab it. Lately, such things were hard to come by. Maybe that’s part of the reason why Hakuei was so supportive of his idea, when she was the one spouting nonsense years ago about him _staying with the family_ and _valuing their home instead of running off to live 5 hours away_.

 

Hakuryuu sighed, voicing his discontent with his own thoughts to the empty room in front of him. He needed to stop overthinking and start unpacking his things so he could sleep tonight.

 

If he was being practical, he would say he choose to stay in this room because the complete emptiness of it would make it easy to clean, and because it seemed to lack any real damage that would be a pain to try and fix after setting up his mattress on the bare bed frame and moving his desk in here. It also had an intact closet, saving him from having to use his suitcase until he got new dressers.

 

If he was being honest, he really picked it because he knew this room was the most unfamiliar to him even after living there for 12 years, and would make him feel the least like a child living at home again.

 

Hakuryuu idly remembered that this was once Kougyoku’s room.

 

Though he never stepped foot in it once throughout his childhood, he remembered glimpses of what it used to look like. Kougyoku had owned a lot of stuffed animals, and pasted a ton of glow in the dark stars and fancy fairy lights over the walls, once. He remembered when she was 16, when one day she packed them all in a box and left them at the curb for garbage day.

 

“I’m an adult now, Ryuu,” Kougyoku had said that day, after he questioned her, “I gotta stop acting like a kid, yaknow?”

 

“I guess,” He had said, thinking about the gunpla models sitting in his room. Hakuryuu had gotten into the hobby because of his older brothers. They were basically kid's toys too, even though Hakuren would've strongly disagreed with that statement. At the time, his gut felt heavy at the thought of throwing them all away one day.

 

Years later, when he had moved out to attend university, he didn’t consider even once taking them with him.


	2. thunder only happens when it's raining

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't reply to comments because (to be blunt) I dislike interaction. But, any and all feedback is deeply appreciated, and having people's thoughts on this makes it more enjoyable to write.
> 
> If you couldn't tell by the setup of this, I really enjoy the method of things. I'm pretty simple.

April 6, 199X

 

Hakuryuu was already going stir crazy.

 

He didn’t want to start tearing things out and shelling out his limited budget money to have people move it to the dump for him until the inspector had come in and informed him of what exactly did need to go.

 

But he couldn’t start getting things replaced or repaired until everything that was unsalvageable had been taken care of.

 

Which meant he couldn’t clean over half the house, because anything he tried to scrub down would inevitably end up a mess again when he could finally make the necessary renovations.

 

And so he had to wait, as he was told over the phone, for the guy they were sending to come in on Tuesday, next week.

 

Which was fine. Really.

 

Hakuryuu's first day of waiting was very productive. He went through and sorted the objects scattered throughout the house that hadn't been packed, cleaned and sanitized the kitchen into working condition, and unpacked his own belongings in his temporary bedroom. It was exhausting, but it made him feel productive. He was even going to cook his own dinner, until he realized he'd have to get cleaned up and drive all the way to the grocery and back just to get some fresh ingredients. And he might even run into someone he knows, now.

 

He opened a phone book and opted for takeout instead.

 

On the second day, Hakuryuu gave himself a break (not that’d ever call it that). Truthfully, he had overworked himself the day before.

 

Today he decided to only spend his energy on shopping; driving to the next town over to pick up lightbulbs, tarps, and extra garbage bags along with his groceries. All things that seemed like he'd logically be needing, not exactly being an expert on renovation himself. On the drive back to the house Hakuryuu found himself rather pleased he managed to make it through a day out in public without incident. Such a small thing, but something he took for granted as being normal before he had moved away.

 

His satisfied mood lasted all the way through dinner, until which he looked around and found himself with too many hours of the day left to kill and nothing he really had the energy to do.

 

A part of him he didn’t want to acknowledge was starting to feel overwhelmed with everything he was going to have to do for this house once the day came.

 

And the other part was becoming lethargic from the lack of things he could do right now.

 

_Maybe I could see if Judar is still in town_.

 

Hakuryuu felt all his energy leave him as he mentally tossed that idea out. Instead, he ended up going to lie down after he cleaned up his dishes and re-washed the stove. Being overwhelmed and under-motivated left him feeling stuck. He took respite under the blanket of his bed. It should be late enough to justify sleeping, right? He wasn't going to do anything else anyway.

 

Finally resigning himself to the day being over, he took off his legs and arm prosthetics. He didn’t have the room setup with space for them yet, so he settled for laying them on the floor where his right arm could reach.

 

In the back of his mind, he thought about how he’d need to unpack his shower chair and get it back into the main bathroom’s shower tomorrow.

 

Between the short time periods of sleep that overtook him every few hours, Hakuryuu found himself staring at the ceiling until morning came. He was already beginning to hate this bed, with no comfortable position to sleep in, and it was only his second night there. He reluctantly hoped that it would get better once he got used to living there again, but he didn’t really want to get used to this place all over again. It was one thing when he was 6 and needed a stable, quiet home, it was another when he was 23 and had already lived outside these suffocating walls for 5 years.

 

On the morning of the third day, Hakuryuu found things to be a little easier. Showering immediately after getting his shower chair in there did wonders for how he felt, soft clean locks making him feel so much lighter. He could get up and find something to do again.

 

But by afternoon, he once again found himself with nothing left to do that wouldn’t be pointless. He’d already replaced all the burnt out lightbulbs, dropped off all the unnecessary and old decor that was still undamaged enough to be donated, and pre-prepared his meals for the week.

 

Hakuryuu opened one of the new books he had bought before moving away, and tried to get some reading in to pass time.

 

And after an hour of trying, he could no longer force his eyes to focus on the page in front of him. His scars itched.

 

Hakuryuu considered napping for all of a single second. He’d already put himself through enough trying to stay in bed all night, making what remained of his thighs ache until the sun finally rose. He was exhausted, but he wanted to move around, not wallow.

 

He was restless.

 

And he still had four more days of this, he reminded himself constantly. Only four days.

 

This increasing feeling of inertia was going to kill him before then.

 

Hakuryuu could feel himself running out of options. Obviously, there was still things he could do, and he’d need to get them done at some point in the near future anyway. The thought of it filled him with dread, though he’d never admit he was anything close to anxious about it.

 

It was simply that everything left to do involved going into town and talking to people. Informing them all that he really did move back in. None of that sounded appealing in any way.

 

And besides, it wasn't like it was unreasonable for him to not want to walk around town. It was warm enough now that the winter gear he used to hide his appearance would make him look even more outrageous. If he went out in casual clothes, someone would undoubtedly recognize him eventually and try to make small talk, asking him how he's been and all that. If they were bold, they might even talk about his mother and how sorry they were for his loss.

 

What kind of person who valued their mental health would do that?

 

Anxious wasn’t the right word. It wasn't as if Hakuryuu feared social interaction, nor was he scared of what people might say. He simply hated it. It drove him up the wall; the way people spoke to him, about him, the way they would act like they know everything about his family, all of it.

 

Hakuryuu could be civil. He knew how to say the bare minimum to acquaintances and strangers without being phased.

 

Every time, without fail, he just felt closer and closer to snapping.

 

But he detested how such thoughts felt like he was cowering from the world, and made up his mind. All he really had was the ability to methodically go through his responsibilities no matter how he felt, and he wasn’t about to change that now. He’d get up early tomorrow and get it over with in one day. At least then he could stop thinking about it.

 

_Stop with all this severity_ , Hakuryuu told himself, harshly.

 

* * *

 

April 7, 199X.

 

"Oh! Aren't you Hakuei's little brother? I haven't seen you guys in so long!" The woman speaking to him was named Toya, he realized from a glance at her name tag, but Hakuryuu didn't recognize her at all. "How is she?"

 

All he wanted was to drink his tea in peace. Even if lemongrass and lavender wasn't particularly high on his favorite hot beverages list. Maybe he shouldn’t be so ungrateful, given that very few people responded so positively when they recognized a Ren family member that wasn’t his sister, and maybe he should be thankful that his proximity to Hakuei meant not everyone would tersely avoid eye contact with him. He could’ve had a worse day, Hakuryuu thought, and he should be thankful for getting this instead. Right?

 

Or maybe he was overthinking it, as usual, and he should accept the pleasantries of an unfamiliar acquaintance for what it was and not try to feel anything about it.

 

"Fine," Hakuryuu wondered if his words were as stilted as he felt they were, "She's working in Rakushou."

 

"Oh wow," Her reaction was overblown, "That's so far away! It must be hard to visit them, huh? Are you still in school?"

 

Too many questions. "I'm not... uh... I graduated, last year."

 

"Well, that's good. I won't keep you long now, you're probably busy aren'tcha? Here," She finally pushed the tea Hakuryuu had ordered towards him, "Have a good day! Good to see you again.“

 

"Yeah, you..." Hakuryuu pulled his change out of his pocket, but Toya had already walked into the back before he could pay. "...Too."

 

He shouldn't feel annoyed. Looking down at his tea and (now probably cold) bagel, Hakuryuu knew no one was going to give him shit just because the barista forgot to charge him. He just preferred people did what they were supposed to instead of bothering him.

 

Hakuryuu sighed and placed his change on the counter. Someone else could grab it for all he cared.

 

“You should’ve just accepted the free food and left.”

 

Hakuryuu whipped his head around, almost hitting Judar in the face. Judar just smiled at him. Hakuryuu gaped for all of 30 seconds.

 

He could’ve had a worse day, Hakuryuu had thought. Oh, god, it could be worse, but he had very pointedly avoided preparing for Judar in his possible day plans lest he got his hopes up, and now. And now. He should’ve expected this. In the back of his mind, he recalled what Judar said before about inheriting the temple. Part of him already knew Judar would be here, that he could run into him at anytime, that he wouldn’t have moved away in the year since they last saw each other.

 

“I didn’t want to,” Hakuryuu said, suddenly self-conscious. Judar looked better than he ever did. His hair was still long, but he had gotten it cut, or maybe that’s just how it appeared in the high ponytail he had up. There were smaller braids threaded through his hair, and silver jewelry that shone against the slightest purple tint of Judar’s deep black hair. He still wore casual clothes ill suited for the weather, but he looked like a hair salon poster boy now more than ever. The familiarity would make Hakuryuu feel relaxed, if he wasn’t suddenly hyper-aware of how he himself looked.

 

Fuck, Hakuryuu realized, he was wearing sweatpants. And his hair looked disgusting since he hadn’t gotten it cut in a while. He had horribly split ends; his fringe fell in front of his eyes and made him break out around his eyebrows. Hakuryuu wasn’t one to think he had a bad-looking face, knowing that plenty of people thought the burn scars didn’t detract from his looks at all, but in this moment, he wished he wore some kind of mask.

 

Judar hasn’t seen him since that night after the funeral, and now here he was, looking more like he was falling apart then ever. At least back then he dressed decently.

 

Hakuryuu turned away from Judar, not-so-subtly trying to hide his face and walk away.

 

“Hey!” Judar called out to him, walking with Hakuryuu out the door, "You're so _cruel_ , Hakuryuu _._ I thought you'd be happy to see me again."

 

“I’m ecstatic, obviously,” Hakuryuu said, “But I’m walking down to Kina today, so I gotta go.”

 

“Kina, huh?” Judar said, still following after him, “The marina, then? So you _are_ planning to stay this time.”

 

“Only for a bit,” Hakuryuu grumbled, “I’m leaving after I sell the house.”

 

Judar just stared at him. Hakuryuu begrudgingly met his eyes.

 

“…Yeah, I know. Mom left me the Ren family estate and nothing else. She probably just wanted to fuck with me one last time.”

 

“That does sound like the old bitch,” Judar let out a breath.

 

“Don’t _you_ have somewhere to be, dressed up like that?” Hakuryuu asked, changing the subject.

 

“Like wha— wait, this?” Judar looked over himself, confused, “This is just what I normally wear — ohhh, Hakuryuu, are you saying I look nice today?”

 

“I’m saying the jewelry makes you look overdressed,” Hakuryuu’s said defensively, “And that’s a poor choice of clothing for the rain.  Especially for a junior priest.”

 

Judar could see a hint of blush on his face.

 

“Mhm,” Judar said, holding his hand out, palm up, “But it’s not raining anymore, is it? So I’m good!”

 

Hakuryuu didn’t dignify that with a response. He looked around them. The streets of Rakuchaku hadn’t changed one bit, (even though, with all the pot holes, they probably needed to) but Hakuryuu found himself appreciating them for the first time. Walking around busy streets for so long made him forget, but without the people, this place had a nice atmosphere for a walk.

 

“Judar. Do you want to walk with me to Kina?” Hakuryuu asked. Judar’s brows furrowed as he smiled.

 

“You’re asking me to walk for hours uphill, to Kina? From Kai? Why on earth would I do that?” Judar questioned him. Hakuryuu faced away from Judar.

 

“You don’t have to,” Hakuryuu shrugged. He didn’t sound annoyed or upset, like he might’ve as a kid. It was more like he was challenging Judar.

 

Judar seemed to think on it. Then he tsk’d.

 

“Of course I’m going,” Judar said decisively, “You never ask me to do stuff first.”

 

Hakuryuu smiled sincerely at him, flustering Judar.

 

“Sorry, you’re right,” _Don’t apologize to me_ , Judar didn’t say, _you’re terrible at it_. “Thank you.”

 

* * *

 

The walk to Kina was nice, if not filled with quite a few stops as Judar made Hakuryuu accompany him to check out the more trendy shops on the way. Rakuchaku wasn’t filled with many, but there was a few overpriced ones for the sake of summer vacationers and tourists. Judar offered to buy Hakuryuu some new clothes. Hakuryuu declined. He didn’t need that overpriced fabric, thanks. Besides, most of clothes they were advertising were gaudy and far too small to accommodate his prosthetics. Judar laughed at him.

 

And they talked. Neither asked of what happened in the years they spent not talking to each other, keeping the topic to useless things.

 

Judar had also almost walked straight into traffic on the highway, and Hakuryuu wondered how on earth Judar avoided getting into more accidents without himself around.

 

It had been an overall good day, and a pleasant memory.

 

But then Hakuryuu finally got to the marina to talk with Takeruhiko, which went well, (Hakuryuu was not anxious about it, thank you) because he was told he would only have to fill out an updated employee information form and set up direct deposit again and Takeruhiko would put him right back to work.

 

“You’re timing is pretty damn good,” He had told Hakuryuu. “People are just getting their boats out of storage again for the spring.”

 

“Yeah,” Hakuryuu had replied, stupidly. Talking to Takeruhiko wasn’t normally awkward or weird, but Judar standing way too close to him and pouting with neither party acknowledging it put Hakuryuu at a loss for words as he processed that he was even being spoken to.

 

Hakuryuu grabbed the papers Takeruhiko gave him.

 

“You can come in next Thursday to start around 6? You can bring the papers in then or earlier, but I need them before you start.”

 

“Yeah, of course,” Hakuryuu said, “I’ll be there. Thank you for everything.”

 

“No way! I should be thanking you. Having an experienced hire come back saves me a lot of time and money compared to having to hire a bunch of school kids who need training.”

 

Hakuryuu smiled and nodded at Takeruhiko, bringing his right hand up in a sort of half-wave, and turned to leave.

 

Judar did not wait until Takeruhiko was out of earshot to speak up again.

 

“What’s the point in making you come in so late in the day?”

 

“He meant 6 in the morning, Judar.”

 

“What the fuck.”

 

* * *

 

April 10, 199X.

 

The home inspection was going well, maybe. Most likely. Hakuryuu tried to stay out of the way and not bother someone else's work, but he kept walking into whatever room the inspector was in and asking questions about how it was going, At least the inspector didn't seem to mind. Unfortunately, the man told Hakuryuu he'd have to hire a specialized inspector if he wanted to be sure there was nothing like mold or termites, as it was not something always easily found in a basic home inspection. And since the home was so old, a sewage inspection might be necessary as well. Which would be a pain in the ass.

 

Hakuryuu could decide to skip it if he was sure the house had no water damage, which the inspector told him he'd check carefully for, but even if it came up clean for him Hakuryuu should still get a specialist to check. If he found anything, Hakuryuu could at least go straight to getting it removed. Which wasn't as bad. Hakuryuu nodded at the inspector.

 

"Uh, Mr. Teshigawara, if you don't mind, I'd like you to check the main bathroom next, then. I think there's mold on the floor under the tub."

 

"If you can see the mold, then that's pretty bad," The inspector told him, following Hakuryuu to the main bathroom. Hakuryuu knew that much. He tried not to feel grossed out.

 

Hakuryuu assumed that afterwards he’d be told or given some kind of report, detailing what he needed to fix or something.

 

What he actually received was a fax with a checklist and another sheet with an actual report, but neither were exactly as straight forward to figure out what the issues were as Hakuryuu was expecting. _Great_.

 

Also, from the way the inspector had spoke to him, it seemed like he wouldn’t be able to avoid hiring a sewage inspector.

 

Hakuryuu had ignorantly hoped this was going to be the easiest part of the process, didn’t he?

 

Why was everything more convoluted than it probably needed to be.

 

* * *

 

April 16, 199X.

 

“Ryuu! You finally picked up! I was worried you just unhooked the phone or something.”

 

“Sorry, Ei,” Hakuryuu spoke weakly, “Been really busy over here.”

 

“Hakuryuu… if you need help, I can take time off work and stay with you for a while.”

 

“No!” Hakuryuu spoke too fast, “No, no… I uh… it’s just having to work on top of having people coming in and out of the house so much. It’s nothing I can’t handle.”

 

“There’s nothing wrong with getting some extra help—“

 

“I know, I know,” Hakuryuu stopped her. “I just think this is something I have to do for myself, you know? I don’t want to take you away from work for it… you’ve worked too hard to get where you are.”

 

Hakuei sighed.

 

“Alright, if you’re sure that’s what you want.”

 

“Ei, you just do your best there, and I’ll do my best here, okay?”

 

“Of course, Ryuu,” Hakuei, “I’m honestly glad to know you’re so motivated. I just wanted to check in. I’ll see you later, then. Bye, Ryuu, love you.”

 

“…See you later, Ei. Love you too.”

 

* * *

 

April 19, 199X.

 

Hakuryuu didn’t see Judar again for about a week or so. Not that it was a big deal. They both had responsibilities keeping them busy, and if they wanted, they knew where to find the other. There was a distinct lack of rush with relationships that came with living in Rakuchaku. It didn't matter what happened when they were gone. There was nothing to do, and thus nothing changed it's routine. At least it meant Judar was still here.

 

Hakuryuu called Judar's landline. Thank god he at least had his own place now. Hakuryuu remembered back when they were younger, when Hakuryuu had to timidly ask the priests who answered if he could talk to Judar, please. Knowing Judar was the one who would answer made him a lot less anxious.

 

Then the call went to voicemail.

 

_It’s 2 in the afternoon_ , Hakuryuu thought. Annoyed and persistent, Hakuryuu dialled Judar’s number again. It answered on the second ring.

 

“Nnh,” Was the greeting he got this time.

 

“Sorry, were you sleeping?” Hakuryuu said with a very obviously shit-eating voice.

 

“For you, Hakuryuu… never…” Judar said, forcing his voice to work. Yeah, Hakuryuu had clearly woken him up. He was sort of surprised Judar even answered on the second call.

 

“That’s nonsensical.”

 

“I’m too tired to be witty and cute right now.”

 

“Can you get yourself together enough to come over and help me demolish my house? Actually, are you even free today? I didn’t even consider whether you had work...”

 

“‘s fine, they don’t care whether I show up,” Judar interrupted him, smile in his voice, “And besides, you had me at demolishing your house.”

 

“See you in an hour, then?”

 

“Hell yeah.”


End file.
